I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
