Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
