just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
