I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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