the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
