Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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