She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
