Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
my god I love twenty year old dicks
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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