Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
