when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
