We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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