I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
