He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
