He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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