I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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