i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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