Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
