who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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