When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
