Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
