I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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