On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
