Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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