I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
