btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i came on her dog
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
