when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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