i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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