Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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