You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
