i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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