weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
