Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have aggressive nipples.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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