My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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