Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
