Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
