Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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