its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You ate ashes out of my bong
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
