Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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