OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
