Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
