it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
