Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
