New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
