so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
