so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
