RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
