yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
