Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have fence marks all over my body
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
