i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
