then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
