watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
